LCA Careers – Lunar Cheese Authority

LUNAR CHEESE AUTHORITY

Global Operations Center: Viridian Estuary, Emerald Inlet

“The curd must be stabilized, the trajectory absolute, and the integrity of the dairy payload must remain beyond reproach. Only the most distinguished minds need apply to the most important mission since the wheel was invented.”

— Dr. Cynthia Caseum, Director of Operations, LCA

**LCA Headquarters:** 1265 Lombardi Brei Whey, Emerald Inlet, WO 98765-4321

Current Planetary Vacancies

Mass Driver Curd Quality Analyst (MD-CQA) +

Salary Range: Competitive (with a generous block of Cheddar per annum)

**Role Overview:** Responsible for monitoring the textural stability and structural integrity of dairy mass units moments before achieving terminal velocity through the lunar mass driver apparatus. Must be able to distinguish between a perfect Gouda and a catastrophic Mozzarella failure at 100,000 km/h.

**Required Expertise:** Must possess a PhD in Dairy Rheology or Orbital Mechanics (preferably both). Must have 5+ years experience in high-velocity food engineering or working near very large, fast cannons.

Tsiolkovskiy Crater Triage Architect (HR-TA) +

Salary Range: Top Tier (includes Moon-adjacent accommodation)

**Role Overview:** Based on the lunar surface near Tsiolkovskiy Crater, this individual will oversee the tactical placement of cheese storage facilities within the natural fissures of the Rille. Must ensure maximum thermal stability and defense against potential Selenite dairy marauders.

**Required Expertise:** Certification in Sub-Lunar Geology and an active understanding of subterranean Gruyère preservation techniques. Must be comfortable with low-gravity construction and wearing heavy-duty anti-mold environmental suits.

Lunar Cheese Harvester (LCH) +

Salary Range: Piece-rate commission (paid in artisanal lunar Brie)

**Role Overview:** Primary surface operative responsible for the collection and initial processing of naturally occurring lunar casein deposits (often mistaken for ‘rock’). Requires meticulous attention to detail to avoid contamination from regolith and stray space debris.

**Required Expertise:** Strong back, familiarity with industrial-grade spatulas and vacuum sealers, and certification in low-gravity heavy lifting. Must be able to distinguish between naturally aged Blue Moon Cheese and ordinary oxidized iron deposits.

Launch Controller (Guidance & Curd Integrity) +

Salary Range: Premium (with a dedicated console view of Earth)

**Role Overview:** Mission Critical position overseeing the final trajectory parameters and power output of the mass driver. **Must be familiar with Signal Conditioning Equipment (SCE) and be ready to perform SCE to Aux if necessary** to ensure zero-loss transfer of telemetry data during maximum cheese acceleration.

**Required Expertise:** Degree in Aerospace Engineering or Advanced Dairy Telemetry. Mandatory certifications in Rapid Fermentation Diagnostics and Pre-Launch Yogurt Stability Analysis.

Orbital Debris (Whey) Management Specialist +

Salary Range: Entry Level (with hazard pay for re-entry whey splatters)

**Role Overview:** Entry-level position focused on calculating the terminal trajectory of residual dairy liquids (Whey) that did not achieve LEO (Low Earth Orbit). Requires monitoring global weather patterns for surprise high-altitude rain showers of fermented lactose.

**Required Expertise:** Basic meteorology certificate. Ability to distinguish between rain and atmospheric whey condensate. Must own a full-spectrum Geiger counter (or equivalent whey detector).

Inquiries: Artie Fishial, HR Administrator.